Aha moments can be powerful!
I recently read a book by Dr. Edith Eger called The Choice. In it Dr. Eger tells her experience as a prisoner in Auschwitz, and the healing journey across the years after her liberation from the concentration camp. One of the things I noticed in her book is that how even now, in her 90s, she still experiences flashbacks from her past experiences. The trauma lived caused a deep impression in her mind, and she will carry that for the rest of her life. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t experience joy and a healthy and happy life, but flashbacks still occur on occasion.
I was recently driving to an appointment and the 20 minute car ride gave me ample time to think. Without any warning, flashbacks from difficult past experiences started flooding my mind. I relived the evil words, the manipulation, the yelling, the gossip, together with the stress and physical tension I experienced during those times. My hands pressed tightly the steering wheel and the speedometer started moving a little higher than it should.
Unfortunately, these thoughts occasionally take over my mind completely unannounced, and I’m tense for a while, but this time I had a aha moment. It’s true I didn’t experience the horrors of a concentration camp or other types of abuse, but trauma happens in many forms and flashbacks are part of the scar that stays with us.
Dr. Eger says in her book that though we may walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we don’t have to camp there. Armed with this information, I released my tight grip on the steering wheel and returned to a more appropriate speed. Knowing that I have control over my own thoughts, I acknowledged them and decided to focus on how God carried me through that time, how grateful I am for the people whom He gave to support me, and the incredible freeing power of forgiveness.
I also thought how lately I have been more open about my pain, not only writing in my journal, but also sharing my experience with others. I know that in this crazy world many of us suffer traumatic experiences and will carry battle scars for the rest of our lives. The deep emotional wounds, the flashbacks, the stress, are all a normal outcome of those difficult experiences. But we can also tap into our God-given resilience and grow stronger after overcoming something so difficult. We may have been victimized, but we don’t have to be victims.
Know that if you’re living with difficult past experiences, you don’t need to carry the load alone. Talk with a friend, a pastor, a counselor, a behavior therapist, a wellness coach, or your doctor. Don’t keep it in. As Dr. Eger says, “what comes out doesn’t make us ill. It’s what stays in that does.” Talking about it is part of the healing process. Please don’t suffer alone.
Health and wellness is a journey and can be a beautiful one. Wishing you freedom today!